If you’ve read about an unusual sex toy, there’s a good chance I’ve tried it. There was the crystal wand, the vibrator made specifically to give the user electric shocks, and the so-called touch-free vibrator (which was lit). Each was different, but they shared one common theme: They’re to be used in the privacy of your—or your partner’s—bedroom.
That’s not the case with the OhMiBod Club Vibe 2.OH. While you can use it as a conventional vibrator in its “wireless remote control mode,” its most distinguishing feature is the sound-responsive “club mode.”
When you get a smallish vibrator (bigger than a bullet but not quite big enough to be a dildo or quite round enough to be an egg), a pair of lacy black panties that it fits into, and a remote control with a built-in mic. When I first tried it out, I happened to be at a resort where I was probably never going to see any of these people again, so I felt no qualms about wearing it to dinner. There was a band performing onstage, which provided the perfect opportunity to test out this much-lauded “club mode”—and since the room was so loud, nobody noticed I was doing it but me.
As I sat myself down and made friendly conversation with other guests, I could feel that pair of black underwear buzzing. The sensation was pleasant but not really that distracting. Sure, I might’ve smiled and shifted around in my chair more than usual, but I wasn’t stumbling over my words or anything.
I Tried a MusicActivated Sex Toy and All I Got Was Sexual Frustration
The next time I took it out was during a work session at a friend’s place. “Don’t worry,” I reassured her, “I can barely feel it. Totally not masturbating on your couch.” I put the remote on my computer as I played some ambient, moody bands like Overcoats and Ó—most likely not the music this vibrator was intended for, but the Club Vibe did take a liking to certain songs, which I then found myself playing on repeat.
The buzzing gave us a few giggles, and it made me slightly aroused but not enough to stop me from concentrating on my work. At one point I contemplated going into the bathroom, turning on the regular vibrator mode, and completing the task at hand, but I decided I could go without it. The whole experience felt more silly than sexy.
But I wasn’t going to give up just yet. I decided to get a bit bold and take it for a run on the streets of Boston—a riskier environment than the resort’s dining hall or the privacy of my friend’s living room. I had a vague memory of an online sex tip saying you should run with a vibrator in because it’s easier to orgasm when you’re moving. Worth a try, right?
Praying nobody would intercept me, I attached the remote to my shoe so it could respond to my footsteps—and it did. But once again I barely felt it, which also meant I didn’t notice when the remote fell off my shoe and the vibrations stopped completely. If you come across a small black device that reads “OhMiBod” in the vicinity of Central Square, now you know the story behind it.
Farewell, OhMiBod Club Vibe 2.OH remote. May you rest in peace.
It’s not that this vibrator was bad—as a regular vibrator it works just fine! It’s just that, for its intended use, I found I couldn’t relax enough, I couldn’t feel it enough, and I couldn’t take it seriously enough to actually get to an orgasm. And an orgasm is every vibrator’s intended use.